I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just cut my nipple shaving
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
how drunk are you?
Several
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
