I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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