so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
This is my gift to your gina
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
