remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I had to cum in my sink.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
