my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
