drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
