New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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