Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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