White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
