I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
