you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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