He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
