do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
