Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
