Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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