I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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