I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
