its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
