theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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