Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
