Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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