i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
