the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
