Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
