You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
