R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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