At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
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