That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
