I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
