I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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