Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
