god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize