Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We just shotgunned beers for America
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
