You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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