When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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