i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
