sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
