Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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