Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
