You smell like stripper and shame
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
