PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
