her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
