he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
