Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
