I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Someone came in the potted fern
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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