Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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