he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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