My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
