Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
