Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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