dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
