I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I am mentally ready for anal.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
