i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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