Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
