no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
