Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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