It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
