he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
