I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize