foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
