Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
