I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
