some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I did not marry a roomba.
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