maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
