He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
